How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
