I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
