I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
