and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize