Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
please don't ironically join a cult
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