the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
