What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
