Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
