Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
