Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
