how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
