A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
