I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
