Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
