the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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