I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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