I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
