planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
