Three words: puerto rican gang bang
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
