just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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