I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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