Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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