she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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