My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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