I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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