Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
