Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can't special order awesome
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
