when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
