you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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