Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
