I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
