We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm getting married
To pizza
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
