i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
