in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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