I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize