I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
