nut hugger
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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