Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
