with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
