I feel like I'm in dance class right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
