Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I didn't notice because vodka
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
