nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
