my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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