Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
