he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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