i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
