He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
