Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Boobs speak an international language.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize