whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
