WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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