I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
