Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
