people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
