Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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