I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
