i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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