1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize