Will you blow on my dice?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
