I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
