Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
