Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
