He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
