I'm lost and stupid without you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
