Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize