K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
