i permit you to call me
"it" just moved
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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