I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
