I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
