okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
