I think I am morally bankrupt
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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