You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
