Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
