I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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