I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
