I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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