well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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