Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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