need another drink. this is the easiest way
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
