I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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