That's intense
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
