One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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