Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
