Christians are straight up FREAKS
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
